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His smooth, gentle lips perfectly found his way towards mine in complete darkness. Docile and kind, slowly and patiently, our tongues were creating a new rhythm that will forever be embedded in my mind. My stomach releases all tension, my guard has been taken off edge, and the realization of who I’m kissing comes into full effect.
The rhythm keeps on pulsating, the heat violently surges through my body, and suddenly his gentle toned arms are pulling me in closely with his tender skin pressed against the curves of my hips.
Being this connected with someone hasn’t happened in almost two years. Trusting and opening myself up in the intimate situation hasn’t felt right; until this pleasant surprise.
The way he kissed me with all the kindness and the honesty in which he is, electrified every nerve ending in my body. How he thread his hands through my hair with such genuine, tender intention. It finally felt like someone could care for me. I haven’t been kissed with pure honesty before. So tender and slowly, I came undone.

This night and next morning are embedded in my brain right now and it’s been over a month since this pleasant surprise. I don’t know what is going on with me. I keep on having  flashbacks and keep on replaying every moment in my head. I’ve been having constant dreams about him and literally cannot stop thinking about him and what the fuck happened.
It’s not like I have feelings for him in that manner, I mean, it’s Riley. I don’t mean that in any negative connotation. I love that kid. He is the most kind, gentle, honest person I know. He is the most non social, social person I know. His heart is always in the right place and he will always stand by his friends no matter the decisions they make in life. He doesn’t put up with the bull shit and is a very simple, non dramatic person. Fuck, I’ll be honest, I could have feelings for him but I’m just being me and over thinking everything when I shouldn’t.Plus, both him and I have said numerous times how we just don’t want to be in a relationship. I can’t do that anymore. Not who I am. Not the lifestyle I’m looking for; at least for now. I always said if the opportunity came along I wouldn’t be opposed to it. But it’s never going to happen with Riley. That’s a truth.  I’m assuming this will literally never happen again (as much as I would like it to), but even from it, I learned so much. AND upside, that was the day I fully let go of whatever remains I had for Will. That in itself is something to be proud of.
Since Will and I have broken up, it’s been killing me to think that I may never have that intimate connection with anyone else. Yeah, I was slightly guarded when it came to us having sex, but at the same time, I could never imagine doing it with anyone else. He knew me inside and out. He knew what I liked without having to say anything. While the two of us could never work out as a couple, I did miss the sex. Honestly, up until that night, I haven’t felt comfortable doing it with anyone else.
Riley, he took me by surprise. Never in a million years did I ever think I would come undone with him. Where my triple thick, build up concrete wall would ever be cracked. I’ve kissed a lot of boys. I may not sleep around (which I think is a good thing cause I’m pickier than most people), but I am a kissing whore. He has shot right to the top of the list. I finally realized that someone other that Will could make me feel, worth it. Even if it’s just for a night. What made it even more weird was IT WAS RILEY! Riley, the complete definition of everything opposite of me. Don’t get me wrong, it was the best surprise I may have ever gotten, but none the less, still to this day is putting me in a mind bending analysis.
Honestly, he probably doesn’t give a flying fuck about that night, I’m just another one to add to a list; which again, to be honest, I’m not one to brag about. Shit, now I’m just talking myself in circles.
The thing is, it was literally the first time him and I had ever hung out; alone that is. I’ve known him for about 8 years or so now but we’ve just never had the chance to hang out for extensive amounts of time by ourselves. We’ve run in the same group of friends for as long as I can remember, and he lives with my best friend but I always thought he just “tolerated” me because I was friends with Jordan. NEVER did I EVER think I would EVER think of doing ANYTHING more.  I mean, I’m the furthest thing from his type and there’s no way in hell he has ever thought about getting ME in bed, so I guess I’m confused. I shouldn’t be. But since my brain doesn’t know what an “off” button is, I’m just questioning that night. And one thing I love about him is he’s so simple and straight forward. He doesn’t worry about that stuff like I do. I’m sure if I brought it up to him he would think I’m a fucking nut case.
But I cannot stop thinking about it.


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